Sunday, January 18, 2015

Sunday

I am a Believer.  Most of you know that but what you don't know is that since Christmas, I haven't gone to church. I have been fortunate enough to have two very good teachers in my life-Mike and Tim.  They teach from the Bible, they teach truth.  God has changed our paths so that we can no longer be in the same place.  I haven't gone to church because I have become disenchanted with the churches in my area and the lack of truth being taught.  I have missed the fellowship of my fellow Believers.  A friend of mine invited me to her church for services today, and the prospect filled me with happiness.  Showing me that I do need the body of believers.  So my hope is renewed that I will find the place where the Lord wants us to be.  I hunger for the Lord and for His Word and for a body of believers to call home.  I pray I find it and I pray that if you don't have one that you will find one too.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

New Year

The year is new, full of possibilities.  Twelve months to do new things, make new things, learn new things, the possibilities are endless.

I have already made a decision to do something new this year.  I've never been to a knitting retreat before, but I have decided to go to Into the Wool this year.  It's not until September but, reservations have to be made in February.  I am looking forward to experiencing something new and meeting new people.  Quite a few of them are people I already "know", from social media and knitting podcasts.  It sounds exciting.  If you can, try to join me there.

For a long time now, even though I eat well, I have been overweight.  My thyroid is bad and that causes this problem but this year, I'm going to try to find a way to get some weight off.  I have weighed the same since I gave birth to my last child 12 almost 13 years ago.  So that is a new decision also.  I want to purchase a treadmill because I want to be healthier, I don't want to leave my children prematurely.  I am all they have left.

I am going to try new things in my knitting as well.  I have yet to make a sweater that fits me so this year, I'm going to make a sweater that fits.  My friend Chris gave me a pattern for a sweater that was in my Ravelry Library and I want to make it.  My friend Erin sent me a sock book but I haven't braved making any yet so that is another thing I am going to try.  I want to make a pair.  New for me too is my spinning.  I am going to take a class as soon as I can so I can learn to spin.  I have yet to use my wheel yet and I really want to make a go of it.  I dream of spinning my own yarn and making beautiful things from my spun yarn.

Other than that, no plans. I am not one to make resolutions because I never keep them.

What new things are you planning to do in this new year?

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Open Letter to My Late Husband

There's a chill in the air, the special time of the year is here.  The time we celebrate Christ's birth, even though he wasn't born at this time.

I sit  here in the silence thinking of you.  Missing you.  Decorating the tree was hard this year.  The second one still hasn't been decorated.  There's no calls for me to make you hot tea and bring you a cookie.  No snuggling together enjoying the lights and the excitement of our children.  Though I know you had to leave me and that you are better now, it doesn't stop the pain of me missing you.  Not just now but through every milestone we have had this year.  There's a glaring space where you used to be.  You would have liked the tree last year but you would have liked this one even better.  It's a Frasier Fir.  Just like your mom used to buy.  It's not a prefect tree, but rather it's made perfect by the love that is represented by each ornament placed on the branches.  Memories of time spent with you.  The ornaments we bought at Builtmore on our honeymoon and the Christmas Place where we stayed for one of our anniversaries, the Coffee Cup ornament you found last year.  The ornaments given to us by friends, ones we won in ornament swaps, and the children's ornaments.  From the first day of their life until now.  Each chose with care and love.  The new ornaments we chose this year without you.  Maggie picked a penguin on an ice cube.  I didn't pick one, I struggled with that this year, I'm sure you understand.  Instead two others chose ornaments for me.  It's funny because they were the same theme.  Randy bought me an angel and my friend, Sue bought me an angel as well.  The love represented on our tree makes me miss you as much as your absence from our lives.  

You know people like to think that they can feel their loved one with them after they are gone.  I don't have that feeling.  You are not here.  I so desire to talk to you.  To discuss what is going on and for you to tell me what I should do.  Without realizing, I had become very dependent  on you.  And now that there is a hole in my life I am left scrambling trying to put things back in order and to do what you would have wanted me to do.  I hope constantly that I am making the decisions the way you would have wanted me to.

The pain is a tangible thing, I can feel it in my chest, the heavy weight weighting me down.  Honestly, I don't know how to go on without you.  You were my other half, the part of my whole.  With part of me gone it's a struggle.  I am trying and I hope that you would be proud of the decisions I've had to make.  They aren't easy and they are not necessarily liked but, I think it's whats best.

I lean on the Lord and He helps me to keep going.  However, the pain never leaves.  Sometimes it's not always at the forefront of my mind but it's there for a pause or silence in the house and there it is smacking me in the chest.  It is an every present thing in my life.  I expected to be with you forever, to lose you only after12 years of marriage was just too soon.  I know God has a purpose for this, maybe not for me but maybe for someone else.

That's why I'm still writing in my blog.  To try to help others that are in my situation.

Maggie suggested I should find her a step dad.  I told her the only way that would happen is if God put someone in my life, just like He did with you.  I don't have the energy or the time to try to find someone else.  God found me you, you were "My Gift From God".  He'll have to find another if that's what He has in mind.

Dear Lord, I miss Mitchie so hard and so much.  I don't understand your timing but I am willing to understand that You know what is best for me and You have my best interests at heart.  I love you Lord more that I loved my Mitchie and I pray that he is with You.

Mitchie,  I love and miss you so much.  The Lord let you live previously, when you should have died according to the doctors.  I think He saved you for me; He knew I needed you.  I so look forward to seeing you again in glory.

All my love to you Lord and All my love to you too Mitchie.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Grief During the Holidays

Why is it that during the holidays or on important days in our lives that our grief comes to the forefront?  That we miss our loved ones more?  Everyone says absence makes the heart grow fonder, in the case of grief it just makes the heart ache.  Since we lost Mitchie just after Christmas last year, it has especially made this Christmas hard.  We are trying to make our own traditions now so that we can continue to move forward.

There is one person that helps:

We feel grief just like God does.  Imagine how He felt when Adam and Eve disobeyed Him in the Garden, when His people refused to obey his commandments, or how He felt when He had to turn His back on His Son when He was nailed to the cross.  The Good Lord understands more than we think.  When you think the grief is too much to bear, turn to Him, He understands.  He is the ultimate comforter.  Pour your grief out to Him and He will comfort you.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Busy, Busy, Busy.....AAAHHHHHH Not another thing to do!

I have been woefully neglectful of my blog lately.  Life interrupts everything.

Let's see so much has happened lately where to begin?

The weekend after I came back from SAFF both of my cars broke down within a week of each other.  I gave my inlaws back Mitch's car because I couldn't afford to fix it anymore (they own the car).  Both cars have been in the shop 4 times this year.  The week after I returned the car to the inlaws my car had major engine failure.  Not fixable.  So, I had to get the car back from the inlaws to drive until I got a new car.  In the mean time I was painting my craft room.  I had some kind of issue, my hands shaking so badly I couldn't do anything, type, text, nothing, had numbness and tingling too.  Lasted for several days.  Spent over $300 for the doctors to shake their heads and shrug.  May need to change my anxiety meds, been on them for several years now.  We drove down to see the eldest and her roommates for Thanksgiving and I made all of us dinner complete with desserts.  When we got back I started looking for a car.  Friday after work, Maggie and I went shopping, didn't get home until very late.  Saturday up bright and early and went and found a car.  I ended up with a sunny yellow beetle.  I'll will post pics this evening.  Then Maggie and I went shopping again.  See, a trend here?  I have needed new living room furniture for quite some time now so last night Maggie and I went shopping again, I picked out new furniture, most of it to be delivered on Friday, two chairs to come in later.  Then I went and did more shopping.  Still forgot to get two gift cards so I'm going to run out to lunch and get them.  I have not been taking very good care of myself, stress, working, and raising a child by myself has taken a toll lately.  My shoulders and neck are so tight that moving at times is difficult.  So, I am going to go buy a couple of massagers to help with that.  One that is for my neck and the other for my back, in hopes that it will help my muscles to relax.  And I may possibly be purchasing a treadmill for myself to get more exercise.  Don't know about that just yet.  I have to move furniture around and get things set for the new stuff coming in, I have two Christmas trees that need to be put up, one of which I need to purchase, and I have to finish up some last minute gifts.  Work on the upside has been much calmer.  One of the girls left, the "pot stirrer" we say to be polite, and the office has been so much better.  We are all getting along and working together, IT'S GREAT!!!  Means more work, hence no 1/2 day Friday's for me but it also means more pay for which I am very grateful.  Well, I'm going to go for now, I'll post pictures for you later of all the stuff I've been doing and making.

Have a Blessed day!